A glimpse of my old life

We had a lovely day yesterday out at Market Bosworth Country Park. It’s loads of open, flat space for the kids to run about on and there’s a nice park too. Well, I say nice but thanks to the rain we had the day before, it was actually a mud pit!

As we were walking round the track, the eldest screamed excitedly back to me that there were some horses coming towards us. “Look mummy, look! Horses!”

She knows they’re my absolutely favourite animal in the world and that I used to have my own darling boy, Victor, before I had her.

the youngest was transfixed as these piebald cobs (that’s black and white ponies to the unhorsed of you!) came closer. She didn’t move a muscle. She wasn’t scared, just clearly mesmerised by them.

One of the horses was really on her toes as her rider guided her past us while she chatted to her friend about ordering shavings and hay.

And there it was. A pang of jealousy. A wallop of envy.

My life before kids consisted of these things. Shavings and hay, new shoes and vets bills, booking the school for a lesson and rugging up to keep my ex racer snug as a bug.

i thought of very little else in the years I owned my horse. It had been a childhood dream I finally managed to realise when I had a decent job and enough confidence to go for it.

I lived for Victor. Our time together was precious and yes it was expensive and cold and muddy and stressful but oh I loved him.

When I was six months pregnant with the biggie, I had to let him move to a new yard to be looked after by a temporary mummy. It was heartbreaking as I loved my yard and all the people there but i couldn’t afford to be on maternity leave and keep him. Loaning him out meant he’d be looked after and I would get him back after two years.

Sadly, that time never came. Victor passed away while he was at his temporary home. We think it was a heart attack but he’d been suffering mud fever and so there’s part of me that thinks he may be have quite poorly from an infection. Anyway. Regardless, it was a genuine tragedy.

i miss him so dearly. He truly was one of a kind – patient, loving, trusting and a gent.


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